Hey!
I honestly have been sat here for about 3 hours just trying to think of intro for this blog post but I think it just going to be a post that has no structure to it. Just words..
Over a year ago now I opened up about mental health and how I struggled with depression and honestly the start of this year everything fell in to place and I felt like me again. I woke up with so much motivation, being happy and honestly it felt so amazing. Of course I would still have a down day but it was not as much as I did in 2016. Had so many things to look forwards to including my first ever girls holiday which involved going on a plane and celebrating my friends hen do.
On the holiday I was a little anxious anyways but it was because of my grandad who has had a few little issues at the start of the year (actually for 2 years but this time was worse) so 2 days in to my holiday I called home to check how he was, how the doctors went to then find out he was sick - he had cancer..
Honestly I have never felt so sick, sad, angry all these emotions in one. How can someone who is the best thing to me have this. All I wanted to do was go home but my grandad wanted me to enjoy my holiday and told me to stay so I did. Fast forward to about a month ago, he started getting worse and then 3 weeks ago was taken to hospital. His blood pressure was low, hardly eating and then found out he had pneumonia. He hasn't been eating, walking, always in and out of sleeping and it's hard to see someone you love like that. I have tried my hardest to put on a brave face to see him because thats what he needs but this weekend all I have done is cry as they have said his heart isn't working properly and ask a question no one wants to hear and it's broken me..
I have acted like he's fine and nothing is wrong with him and every emotion I have hid just came crashing down on me and I just couldn't face the day today. I am currently in bed still in my pjs, hair on top of my head, tears in my eyes and a cold half cup of tea by my side. Typing away as this is the only thing that helps when I feel low. It's my way of coping when Im down.
I have been think for the last few weeks about doing a digital detox and honestly if I hadn't of had the 3 signs today telling me to do it I probably wouldn't but for me personally I think its what I need.
So for a week (if it changes ill update on my twitter - here) I won't be posting/looking on any form of social media.
No uploads to youtube, instagram, tweets or Facebook. Just quality me time.
For my mental state and I need to spend time with my family and enjoy my grandad being here. I just need time away. I still have a few brand posts to put up this week so they will be going up but for right now, my laptop will be put away and phone left to one side and honestly I have never look forward to anything more..
So heres to a digital detox. I will see you in a week.. I hope xox
What I'm Wearing:
Top | New Look
Skirt | New Look
Cardi | New Look
Shoes | Primark
Bag | Gucci
Rings | Pandora
Photographed by Adrian Stanley
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